Raising Children With No Regrets

Updated: Aug 1, 2020


"The lady in the picture was our oldest sons basketball coach."

Many women on my mothering journey deposited gems of wisdom that were more cherished than a 3 carat engagement ring!  I mean that with every fiber of by being. The lady in the picture was our oldest sons basketball coach.  I adore this picture for many reasons.  I can tell you about four stories from this one snap shot. For now, I will share just one.  


I sat with my friend in her living room one day braiding her daughters hair.  We always had great conversations in the comfort of our living rooms.  Pause.  Let me tell you about living rooms. I adore the living room space because of the conversations that take place on the couch. When that room is really utilized and honored, the living room space can really hold massive amounts conversational data. WOW, if our "walls could talk" what would they say? 


Anyway. I was saying that my friend and I were chatting and eating snacks on her couch when she looked at me and said, "Alaine, whatever you do, raise your children in a way that will not leave you with regrets." I. Was. Shaken. It was not just my friend that was talking to me it was the Lord. 


Psychology Today says this about regret, " When having regret, a person can experience emotional, cognitive, and neurophysiological effects. Regret is often accompanied by other negative emotions such as guilt, disappointment, self-blame, and frustration." Whoa, whoa, whoa! 


Dear parent, are you prepared to wave good-bye to your children as they leave your home to start their life as a young adult? Will they leave with you holding on to a gut full of regret? Will you go to bed thinking about how you spent more time at work than with your children?  Will you feel the hand of regret grip your heart with remorse because you did not take biblical child training and parental influence seriously? Will you rock back and forth in a fetal position because you cannot turn back time to make things better? 

If your children are gone or too old to be "trained"  and you carry regret, go and get some talk therapy and heal from that thing. Apologize to your children, be vulnerable and ask them to forgive you. Once you do the work to free yourself, rejoice and then go and tell others. If your children are still at the child training age, get out your journal and write down the changes you are going to make so that you are not beaten down with regret. Write down how you will make those changes and ask your mentor to hold you accountable. Implement and then execute. 

Proverbs 17:25 says, "A father grieves over the foolishness of his child, and bitter sorrow fills his mother." Proverbs 23:24 says, "The parents of the right-living will celebrate; yes, parents of children who make wise choices are happy." Choose. 


Shalom Aleichem  


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